When I first mentioned setting up this website, several parents expressed an interest in having a place where they could connect with other parents, compare notes, stories, trials and tribulations. As I set up the website, I did my best to keep to the stated purpose of the LPG but at the same time, I couldn’t ignore the opportunity to somehow incorporate a safe place for parents to exchange ideas, concerns, problems, or share whatever else they faced on a daily basis.

Even if this area of the website isn’t expressly stated in the mission statement of the LPG, my hope is that by sharing moments that we have with our students, it will remind each of us that we are not alone in this. In the end, we are all the same, all different, all just trying to make it through the day. So, on the Thanksgiving Day I thought I would take this opportunity to jump start this section of the website and share a recent moment with my son Zack – because I am truly thankful for him and the joy, insight, and perspective he gives me every day.

Just In Case…

Change is not something that comes easy for Zack. The hardest time of year at Lutz for him, is the end of the year. Saying goodbye to friends that are “completing” and moving on to bigger and better things does not come without tremendous heartache. It is heart-wrenching to watch as he struggles to deal with the loss of friends that he will no longer see at school or perhaps ever again. I have watched as this plight has followed him throughout his life with friends who have moved on, family that has moved out of state, and hardest of all family or friends passing away. Death is not a concept I have been able to explain to Zack, probably because I don’t understand it myself.

A little over three months ago our family suffered probably the worst loss we have ever had to endure, the passing of my father. He was a huge part of all our lives, but most of all, he was Zack’s best friend. From the day Zack was born, my father made sure he was around for every possible moment he could. They played together, worked together, got in trouble together, worked out together, and when my father needed to take an afternoon snooze, Zack sat in his lap, squeezed in the same chair with him, sprawled out on the same couch with him or sat on the floor at his feet until he was ready to get up. On more than one occasion, my father confided in me “Zack is my best friend.”

When my father died we all took it hard, but for Zack, dealing with the loss was only part of the struggle. The void my father’s presence left behind was filled with fear, anger, and most of all emptiness. For weeks there was no consoling him. No matter how many good times we tried to remind him of or memories we shared, the pain could not be overcome. It took nearly a month for him to not cry daily and still today, he has moments when the grief overtakes him. It never ceases to amaze me how the saying “time heals all wounds,” holds true though. I can’t say that the loss Zack feels is gone, but now at least he can share special memories and laugh as we remember all the wonderful times we shared with my father and Zack has even given me a new perspective.

A month or so ago Zack went to Yates Cider Mill with his class. Before he went, I gave him five $1 bills so he could buy a glass of fresh cider and some donuts. Upon arriving home from school after his trip to Yates, Zack handed me a bag. He told me he had bought donuts for all of us. At the same time, he handed me a receipt for his purchase. I put the bag on the counter and looked at the receipt. The total on the receipt was $3.95, so I asked him where his change was. He said he had a nickle in his bag. I asked him where the other dollar was. He said he didn’t have it.

Money is not a concept Zack grasps very well at all, so I pretty much knew before he even answered that this was going to be an issue. I asked if he gave it to one of his friends (something definitely not out of the question). He said no. I asked if he lost it. He said no. I asked him if he bought the donuts by himself. He said no. For five minutes I questioned him over and over, trying to figure out if he lost, was tricked out of, or gave his extra dollar away. Finally, when we were both too frustrated to continue, I threw the receipt on the counter and opened the bag of donuts.

In the bag were five donuts. I asked Zack if he’d eaten any and he told me he had eaten one. Trying to calm down I asked if it was good. He smiled and said it was. I then asked him who the rest of the donuts were for. He replied:

“There’s one for you, one for Daddy, one for Sis, one for Nana, and one for Papa.”

Papa is what Zack called my father.

I stopped and looked at him not sure how to respond. Then, as if reading my mind he took the bag from me, closed it, put it on the counter, looked me right in the eye and said – “Just in case.” With that he trotted off to his room to put his things away, smiling.

What a wonderful perspective. Ever since my father passed I’ve been telling Zack that Papa is still with us, watching over him, is in his heart, and we will all be together again some day. I guess my words have not been lost on him.

Needless to say, this certainly put the lost dollar in perspective. Although the money issue might be important, in the whole scheme of things, it really is such a small thing. There are so many lessons in life still to be learned, by us all, especially me.

Today, as Zack and I were setting the table for Thanksgiving dinner, Zack asked me how many places we needed. I told him, “Six – one for you, one for Daddy, one for Sis, one for Nana, one for me, and one for Papa…Just in case.”

As I count my blessing today I am sure to count Zack and his unfaltering hope and my father who I know is with us in spirit. Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Lisa Dukicin, LPG VP

PS: I had my mother read this before I posted it. As we held each other crying she began to laugh. I looked at her and she asked, “So what happened to the dollar?”

We both began to laugh, knowing that’s exactly what my father would have asked.